It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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