well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
