Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
