I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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