I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
