Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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