Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
