You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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