Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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