Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
