tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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