On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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