nut hugger
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Randomize
