That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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