Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
