well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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