The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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