Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
