Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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