I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
