She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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