"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My ATM looks so different sober.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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