Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
