After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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