god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
