i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
