What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
