I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
