he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
