He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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