I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
