i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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