see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
