Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
