Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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