When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can you bring me the toilet please
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
