When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
