Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation