she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.