I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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