eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
do herpes really smell.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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