Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
