I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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