Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
