She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
