see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
