After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
