Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
