Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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