i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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