I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
