The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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