Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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