I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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