Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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