I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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