its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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