Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
