The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
