I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
