hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
