My room smells like vodka and shame
Having a random hookup so left but love u
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
