life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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