there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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