You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
dude. I can hear the air.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
