I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
