Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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