I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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