Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I need to sanitize my soul.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
