I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
