if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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