Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
