my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
