After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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