That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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