I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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