I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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