got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
