Say something about gay babies.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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