He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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