I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
