His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize