I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
