her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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