FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
